COVID 19 has brought about more uncertainties than certainties. For me, at the beginning of the outbreak, I had so many questions about my job and my finances. I work as an early childhood educator and because of the reduction in the number of families needing such services, I felt expendable. The downturn in business resulted in redundancy for me. The redundancy created various questions: How was I going to pay the bills? Will I be homeless? Were the terms of my dismissal going to affect my employment in the future?

What do I do now? I’ve just lost the career I spent five years working on, five years of continuous studying, five years of building up a network. It felt like I’ve just wasted five years of my life. What next? I knew that I was growing restless and unhappy with the place in life I was. I needed a change; God was telling me where He wanted me, and I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t admitting to myself during the last few years that the career I had chosen wasn’t Gods plan for me. God had been telling me that much, and I decided to ignore what He was telling me. I had a career that provided me with an income, provided me with security I craved. I couldn’t see that God was my provider. Proverbs 3:5 tells us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”. My understanding was my job provided for me, not Him. But who provided me with the job, in the beginning? God!

God is my provider. He provided me with knowledge, resilience and a career ethic when I didn’t have that. Now I didn’t have that job. But I still have God. During this time, I held onto the knowledge that God is my provider, my Father and my biggest champion. He provided me with an array of tools to build up my faith. The people I surround myself with, the scripture I continue to read, and prayers getting spoken over me. Was I angry? In the beginning. Was I scared? I still am. Was I sad? I was grieving. I was holding on to all these feelings, and in the beginning, I felt I had nothing else—an emotional rollercoaster. I struggle with mental health; as a result, I rely on medication and professional consoling to pull me through. Or so I thought.

This season we are in right now is unlike anything we could have predicted in our lifetime. For me, anyway. I still have trouble wrapping my head around what is going on. Everything has happened so fast, and even though I feel that the next season will bring a renewal of faith, life and togetherness. I am embedding myself in this season because I know for a revival in the future, I need to begin making changes now.  The changes I implement now are going to be fundamental for my walk with Christ, leading the life He set out for me. Not the life I was setting up for myself, that life brought about so much hurt, unhappiness and emptiness. This is an awakening of a faith I have never had before, I had faith in the past; it has just never felt so powerful, all-consuming and peaceful. How is this not an indescribable gift God has given us through our faith, love and commitment to Him?

Posted in June 2020

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