I grew up in a Christian home but couldn’t recall a time I knew God. I knew he existed and was good and our Saviour, but I couldn’t seem to connect with, or get passionate about God and felt very frustrated, hollow and empty.

Then I moved out of home and also went overseas. I went from being a ‘seat warmer’ on Sunday mornings with several failed attempts to try and find the ‘spark’ over the years, to feeling unworthy and deciding I didn’t want to keep failing. I was obviously no good at it. In an effort in my mind to avoid disappointing God, I stopped going to church altogether.

Without realising it, I had turned my back on God and said, “I don’t need you”. I (still called myself a Christian) but I don’t think I was a good example of one as I wasn’t following Christ and was no different to the world. I thought I was doing alright but looking deep down, I wasn’t. Life brought me back home to mum and dads and I started going back to church every fortnight. I started attending Alpha.

Each week at Alpha I learned about the fundamentals of Christianity and the truth that is written in the Bible. It challenged all of my false beliefs. The devil had been lying to me – that “God doesn’t want a failure like you, you’re only going to disappoint him…it’s too hard”. I realised I had been going by feeling alone and had never made the decision to receive the Holy Spirit.

I felt God at the Alpha ‘day away’. Through the prayer time, the leaders prayed for me and I was filled with the Holy Spirit. He filled me with such love and peace. There was no guilt or condemnation. Satan tried to make me resist but lost that tug of war over my life! I knew God was there, that he had forgiven me and didn’t want me to turn from him, but to draw close so He could draw near to me. He was knocking at the door and I opened it to let him into my heart.

Now I read the Bible (which I have never regularly done in my life) and he is speaking to me through the words in it. I talk to God and this time I know he is there. When I pray I know he’s listening. I call on the Holy Spirit to help me and I know he’s there to comfort me. By taking the courage to obey him he has shown Himself to me in many ways such as opening my mind to his word, restoring confidence in myself, and my relationship with my boyfriend has completely transformed during the eight weeks of the course. I’ve even been opening up to my friends about my experience with God and how he’s changed me.

I’m very grateful for Alpha and all the leaders and helpers who give up their time. If you’re like me, maybe you should consider trying Alpha too. I went without expecting anything for myself and have gained something invaluable!

Posted in September 2015


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