Healthy Conflict

This study unpacks how we handle conflict as individuals, and encourages us to be Christ-like when engaging in healthy discourse.

Icebreaker:
Game Name: “Animal Instincts”
Objective: Participants will assign themselves an “animal instinct” based on how they would respond to various situations, which subtly aligns with conflict responses. The animals will represent different types of conflict-handling styles, allowing for fun and indirect reflection on personal conflict responses.

Materials Needed:
• A list of situations (scenarios) for the facilitator to read aloud
• Space for people to move around or stand in groups

How to Play:
1. Assign Animal Instincts: Introduce the group to four types of animal instincts that correspond to the four conflict responses:

• Lion: Represents Fight – This animal responds to challenges head-on and is assertive or confrontational when faced with conflict.
• Deer: Represents Flight – This animal tends to run away from danger or stressful situations, avoiding conflict when possible.
• Turtle: Represents Freeze – When threatened, the turtle withdraws into its shell, symbolizing hesitation or being stuck when facing conflict.
• Dog: Represents Fawn – The dog is eager to please and appease others, trying to defuse conflict by being agreeable and friendly.

2. Introduction:

• Explain the characteristics of each animal, but without explicitly saying they represent conflict responses. Let people draw their own parallels as the game unfolds.
• For example, say: “Lions stand their ground and assert themselves when they feel challenged. Deer are quick to avoid conflict by fleeing the scene. Turtles tend to retreat into their shell when things get tough, while dogs often try to calm things down by being extra friendly.”

3. Scenario Presentation:

• Read a situation or scenario aloud (examples provided below), and ask participants to quickly decide which “animal” they identify with in that scenario.
• After each scenario, participants move to the area of the room designated for their chosen animal (Lion, Deer, Turtle, or Dog).

4. Discussion:

• After each round, ask a few participants from each “animal group” to share why they chose that instinct.
• Encourage brief discussions, but keep it light-hearted. This step subtly allows them to reflect on their conflict response without directly calling it out.

5. Scenario Examples:

• Scenario 1: You’re at a team meeting, and someone starts criticizing your work in front of the group.
• Scenario 2: You see two people arguing at a party, and things are getting heated.
• Scenario 3: You’re walking down the street, and someone accidentally bumps into you, spilling your coffee.
• Scenario 4: You’re at a family dinner, and a heated political debate breaks out at the table.
• Scenario 5: A friend keeps borrowing things from you without returning them.

6. Debrief:

• After several rounds, gather everyone back and ask questions to subtly reflect on conflict responses:

1. “Did anyone find themselves gravitating to the same animal each time?”
2. “Which animal felt the most comfortable for you, and why?”
3. “Was it challenging to switch to a different animal response? What did you notice?”

• If desired, you can then reveal the underlying theme of conflict responses (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn), connecting the animals to these reactions. This can open up further discussion on how we handle conflict and stress in different ways.

Wrap up by encouraging participants to reflect on how their “animal instincts” might show up in real life and how they can be aware of those tendencies when facing challenging situations.

This game offers a subtle, playful approach to understanding conflict responses without explicitly framing it as a discussion about conflict. It’s light-hearted but thought-provoking!

Discussion
Large Group Discussion
Definition of Conflict responses:
1. Fight - moving towards with big emotions
2. Flight - moving away to avoid emotions
3. Freeze - Inability to move, paralysed by emotions
4. Fawn - Moving to please people and pacify others’ emotions
The ROOT of all these responses emerge out of a place of fear.. whatever that means for each of us.

Reflection Questions: 
Allow time for reflection and discussion in small groups of 2-3, before coming back together as a larger group to discuss thoughts. 
What are we afraid of?

• People’s response?
• A loss of relationship?
• Abandonment/rejection?
• Being misunderstood?
• Being harmed/controlled?

Fear as an inhibitor to healthy communication and holy conflict

Fear is one of the most effective strategies the enemy uses to keep us contained where we are, so this means any communication or conflict style that emerges from fear will not lead us into the personal and relational freedom God has for us.
• Discuss the importance of healthy conflict.
Our experiences often dictate our approach to conflict. 
• Do we see conflict as good or bad?
• Have we pre-determined what kind of response in conflict is right or wrong?
• Is conflict safe or scary?
We should be cautious to take any of our cues on communication or conflict based on our experiences. These we know have been shaped by the flesh, the world, and the devil.
Instead, we should test our perceptions against Jesus patterns of communication and conflict, allowing him to re-shape us.
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)

Small Group Discussion
There are times to directly confront and there are times to disarm conflict. Jesus clearly discerned the difference.
In groups, read the following passages:
• John 2:13-17
• John 18:2-5, 10-11
Answer the following questions:
• What was the key difference in Jesus’ approach?
• What justified the differing reactions in both circumstances?

Large Group Discussion
Peacekeeping vs Peacemaking
Peacekeepers avoid speaking up, bringing up, fronting up, and continue avoid the problem allowing the unresolved issues to build underneath the surface.
The reality is even without words both parties can be very aware of the conflict brewing between them and bubbling under the surface, it’s only when an issue is identified, named, and communicated, that there is an opportunity for true peace and resolution between you.
Jesus says, Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (NIV)

Prayer 
In groups of 2-3 share of times when you feel you were the peacekeeper or peacemaker. 
Close by praying together for the strength and courage to be peacemakers, the confidence to engage in healthy conflict and discernment from the Holy Spirit to be loving and gracious in our approach.